Beleza dating online time wasters pink toes

Name: Kelly
Age: 43
State: AL

I  have a question about online daters doing this: They email, you chat a bit, you give them the number, you text a bit, you might even talk “live and in person.”  Then, instead of saying, hey, I’m still texting/emailing you, I’m expressing interest in you, I’d like to meet you, are you free Fri/Sat, they come out with “Hey, how’s your weekend shaping up/” Or “Got any big plans this weekend?” What the eff is that lol?  And also the everyday texting of “How’s your day going?” Are they scared/passive aggressive or just time wasters/getting a thrill out of having women interested in them?


I don’t think they’re scared or passive aggressive. I would guess that they are time wasters. I would also guess that some of these guys are sending out mass texts to multiple women waiting to see who replies first.

You  always have the options of asking them out, you know. There’s no rule that says he has to do it. But, like I said to you last week, you play into this. You play their game. You don’t assert any control in the situation. You are a passive participant in the process. So I have to ask you if maybe you, like these guys, get off on the attention as well.

I know. No, really. I know!

As I’ve said before, I don’t really understand why some people always seem to have these “frustrating” situations happen to them. I don’t get how it’s possible one person can have so many similar experiences, other than they somehow participate in the outcome.

Kelly, you’re a time waster too. You just don’t know it. You think you’re available, but you’re not. That’s why these situations keep repeating themselves over and over. You, like these men, just want attention.

Online dating sites are chock full of people like this. How can you avoid them?

1. Do not contact anybody who doesn’t seem truly invested in the process or seems too difficult - That means:

  • No emailing people who barely fill out their profile
  • No emailing people who post just ONE photo (huge clue!)
  • No messaging people with verbose, lengthy, self-important profiles
  • No contacting someone who states in their profile that they don’t check the site often/are just checking this out, etc.
  • No contacting people who tell you they’re just out of a relationship
  • No emailing people with disclaimers/challenges in their profiles (“Don’t email me if../If you do XYZ then we probably won’t get along”)

2. Ask them out - By email three, that invitation should be extended. If they aren’t willing to make at least a tentative plan right then, or in any way put you on the shelf, move on.

3. Don’t give them your phone number too soon- You should not be giving out your phone number until the a couple days before your date. That date should be written in ink on your calendar. Then and only then should you give them your number.

4. No pre-date flirty banter - Seriously. If they send you a text asking how you are or or your day is going, be polite in your response but then cut off that conversation. Say you’re off to the gym or a meeting. Do not give them an in or encouragement of any kind that you’re open to chatting. To me, the whole texting thing is a huge red flag. Maybe there was as time when flirty texts/extensive email exchanges were a normal or positive part of the process. But I honestly feel as though, at this point, the only people who waste their time with these things are the time wasters and attention whores. The people who want to actually meet don’t waste any time. They just meet you.

5. Confirm the date - I don’t care who made the original plan. With online dating, none of that protocol applies. Send them a text the morning of the date confirming your plans. If they say they need to re-schedule, say “No problem!” and move on.

6. Listen - The attention whores and time wasters can’t help but talk about their online dating experiences. See, they’re attention whores. They want attention. If you can, avoid the whole, “So, what has your experience with Match/OkCupid been like?” conversation. Find some other commonality. If your date breaks into an omigod you have to hear this this is sooo funny story, be on guard. These types always reveal themselves.

The people who genuinely want to meet people and develop a relationship of some kind, casual or otherwise, are going to be proactive. Now, none of this means that you won’t end up having a date or two with an attention whore. That’s almost impossible to avoid.

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