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So you’ve set up the perfect online dating profile with your best profile pic. What’s next?
While there’s plenty of fish in the sea, you want to catch one. And it’s hard to get the girl (or guy) if you never communicate.
But what good is sending a message if you can’t even get an initial response?
If you want a reply, read on. We’re sharing 7 online dating message tips that will actually get you somewhere.
7 Online Dating Message Tips To Get (And Keep) The Convo Going
1. Get Going With An Unusual Greeting
Start strong with your salutation.
You’ll want your first impression to do just that—make an impression. So, use an unusual greeting.
Statistics show that the 3 most popular ways to greet someone in an online dating message were actually bad beginnings.
These top 3 intros to avoid include “hi,” “hey,” and “hello.”
Sorry if these have been your go-to’s, but it’s time to switch things up.
Instead, opt for options such as the next three most popular greetings, which perform better with response ratings.
These include “how’s it going,” “what’s up,” and even “yo.” All were shown to get more replies than the more standard “hellos.”
In fact, it’s better to use no traditional salutation at all than one of the top 3 introductions listed initially.
No traditional greeting at least earns the reply rate of 27%.
Overall, more informal standard greetings did very well. So rather than a simple “hey,” or “hi,” go for a “howdy,” which received almost a 45% response rating!
2. Start With A Question (One That Won’t Get You Stuck)
Out of all the online dating message tips, this one is simple. Lead with a question to get your online dating conversation started.
First, find common ground with your girl or guy.
Then, begin a conversation about it by asking a question.
People normally like talking about themselves, so opening with a question about him or her to get the ball rolling is a good way to improve your response rate.
The goal is to start a conversation, not ask a one-sided or super general question such as, “what’s up?” This will more than likely leave you hanging.
While “How are you?” or “How’s your weekend?” are indeed both questions, these don’t actually start a substantial conversation.
Questions are the gas that keeps a convo going, so think of something more interesting or specific to ask than a boring “what’s up?”
3. Don’t Compromise The Convo With Physical Comments & Compliments
Data shows that avoiding physical compliments will benefit you in the end.
While this advice holds true for both sexes, it is mostly directed at men, considering they are more likely to mention looks.
It might sound strange, but no one wants to hear these physical compliments. Data shows words like “sexy,” “beautiful,” “hot,” and “cutie,” do not receive many responses.
Although, as we all know, people normally enjoy compliments, they’re not as big on pick-up lines. This especially holds true in situations when you have not met in person.
So, instead of messaging someone that they are “gorgeous,” mention the words “awesome,” “fascinating,” or “cool,” if you want to give a compliment. These words show much higher response rates.
4. Specifics = Success
If you’re hopelessly messaging and not really looking for a response (which likely isn’t you if you’re reading this post), then go ahead and continue holding vague and general conversations.
But if you want to hear back, bring up specifics.
Specific interests and precise reference words for those—such as “zombie,” “band,” “tattoo,” “literature,” to name a few popular ones—show to be successful.
Leave the basics behind.
Research shows that most “niche” words have a positive effect on messaging.
Try talking about particular things that interest you or details that you might have in common with your message receiver.
5. “Dont” Do “Dis”
You can consider all the online dating message tips in the world, but if you aren’t literate when you put them into practice, it won’t do you much good.
What do netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling say about you? Well, it’s not good, as these are all huge turn-offs and tend to make a terrible first impression.
Language is a strong deal-breaker.
“Ur,” “u,” “wat,” and “wont” likely won’t get you any replies.
Instead, put your elementary education into play by using correctly spelled, fully written out words, with apostrophes where appropriate.
Correctly written but otherwise everyday words such as “don’t” and “won’t” (notice they include the appropriate apostrophe) have nicely above average response rates of 36% and 37%.
There are exceptions to every rule, however.
In this case, the “no netspeak” rule isn’t set in stone, since expressions of amusement are in fact accepted.
Go ahead and use “haha” and “lol” as you please, because both turned out in the sender’s favor with 45% and 41% reply rates.
Although less popular than “haha” and “lol,” another success was “hehe,” which received a 33% chance of response.
6. Keep It Short & Simple
Your first message should be sweetly simple and stay short.
Express your interest in their profile, and add in a question or two about things you share in common.
A long message with many lines or paragraphs is too much and can overwhelm and turn the receiver (if they even finish reading it all).
The more you over-write, the more likely you are to come on too strong.
Since the goal of your first message is to continue the convo, leave the receiver wanting more (as opposed to already knowing too much)!
Also, maintain a message that is simple to start.
While some people make the mistake of leading with a long list of questions on a range of topics, it’s best to just pick one detail you think is cool or something you’re curious about and stick with it to start.
7. Don’t Let Your Message Ratio Get Out Of Whack
In general, aim to maintain a 1:1 message ratio.
Multiple messages will overwhelm the receiver.
Unless you want to be classified as a crazy person or annoyingly needy, keep your messages to this plain ratio.
Messaging someone more than once without getting a reply is the quickest turn-off you can try.
So then what do you do once you’ve messaged someone?
It’s simple—you wait.
Either have patience or set your sights on something new, such the thousands of other single people who could reciprocate interest.
Whether you realize it or not, repeat messages send even another message on top of what you’ve explicitly typed—“I am a creep with boundary issues.”
So, resist the urge! Do not send multiple messages.
What online dating message tips do you have for us? Let us know in the comments how you make online dating work for you and/or which approaches you’ve tried have left you without a reply!