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Dating a Sighted Person

I’m still surprised at how many people find the blog by looking for relationship advice. Should I date a blind person, what can I expect from being in the relationship with a blind person. Lets turn it around for a moment and consider it from my perspective. What can I, being blind, expect from being in a relationship with a sighted person.

Have you heard the song, “Sweet Dreams” from the Eurythmics? Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to abuse you. Well, its true they do. If you’re a sighted person that needs to use me to feel better about you, then walk away and go get some counselling. Narcissists need not apply in fact leave us alone.

Meeting a sighted person is difficult. I’ve come to the belief that human mating is supposed to happen a certain way, I think we are hard wired for the male to approach the female and show significant interest, giving the female the choice of engaging further in a friendship or relationship. However being blind I can’t participate In the mating rituals of sighted people. I’ve tried it doesn’t work so well. Carrying the white cane doesn’t help it frankly makes it really easy for people to write you off. Sighted people as anyone I suppose is afraid of sticks. A guide dog on the other hand is very handy in meeting people. The dog generally is very loved and some of that love for the dog will spill over to the blind person occasionally. I have met someone with a dog, shameless hussy that I am. Friends have occasionally introduced me to people, not so much luck. My parents interference in my love life has always been a catastrophic disaster. If your parents accept your disability and you as a person they may have decent dating advice and input. If your parents expect you to hide your disability and don’t accept you for what you are, ignore anything they have to say about dating. On-line dating works rather well for me. It levels the playing field so to speak. Once I figured out that I need to disclose my disability in my profile I was good to go. There is nothing worse than meeting someone for the first time and them not reacting well to your disability. Trust me I know it sucks. If you have a problem with my disability its all good I’m better off without you, enough said move along.

I’ve notice two major themes in the dating world. The first theme is when your out there looking for the love of your life to make little human mutants. Males and females looking for a mate for genetic purposes have a very different view of the world. They appear almost entitled if you get the use of my sperm or my womb you must meet a very strict list of requirements. I pity young people frankly as the force of the world, nature, family, friends, society, hormones make it nearly impossible to not go out there and make babies. There are so many times when I run into people and they tell me they don’t want children or didn’t want children, what a tragedy for all involved. The next major theme is when your past all that procreation crap and you are looking for love based on you and what you need. No more, are you worried about the right gene pool to dive into. This takes a lot of pressure off of people as they are free to connect and have a relationship with someone that interests them.

There has been some very scary research recently that talks about how birth control pills mess up the female process of mate selection. With the appalling rate of divorce in North America I’d suggest there may be something to this point. As I can see from my corner of the world many couples who have had children who are now divorced.

Not surprising the lists of issues you will have with a sighted person when you’re procreating and when your done procreating are very similar. Minus of course the genetic issues discussion noted below. If a sighted person is very conscious of status or image walk away you don’t need the trouble. Us disabled people are perceived as in need of care. Generally people will start with oh how sweet you’re taking care of the little blind boy, big blind man in my case. Then they get nasty. Its almost culturally an abomination for an abled bodied person to be with a disabled person.

Image, logistics are a big deal. A lot of able bodied people are, “Offended”, “surprised”, “aghast”, at what we have to go through to do things, and get things done. Comments such as, “I couldn’t live like that,” or “I couldn’t do that” are very common. Logistical issues are huge, they change the pace of life. Not driving for instance has been a major issue for me all of my teenage and adult life. Having a sighted woman expectation of being picked up for a date is something I can’t do anything about other than renting a limo. Not being able to read prices at the store generally increases costs for food and cloths by 30 to 40%. People being embarrassed since I think I’m invisible, I haven’t learned that just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean you can’t see me. You can very much see me, picking my nose or scratching things. Yes, we all do it but I’m absolutely oblivious to you seeing me do it.

There are able bodied people out there who don’t realize they are only temporarily able bodied, the arrogance of youth and health, bastards. We will all learn what it means to have help getting dressed, wiping our ass, being fed. Generally death isn’t that quick for all of us and those who make it to the long bitter end will need some help at some time. Its hard for people to give other adults help. There are many things I can’t see and I drive my wife crazy asking what she sees, thankfully she tolerates me. Don’t worry she needs a hand every now and then too. That is what I’m thankful for I have someone where we help each other, and its O.K. But alas we are beyond the silliness of procreation.

If you have a congenital disorder you are going to have an interesting time finding a mate and a mate’s family that is interested in your, questionable gene’s. These issues are harsh. If you read the blog you’ll find my family betrayed me and my children’s mouther, and ultimately my children, my family of origin didn’t share the details about how our congenital disorder is spread. Betrayed is the most polite I can be about this issue. Feel free to read through the blog on my opinions on genetic disorders.

“Who would possibly want me” is something I’ve lived with my whole life. Who would want to be with me and love me remains a core and central issue to me. Growing up in a family where their embarrassment and shame and disappointment of me and in me over my life leaves me sure they never wanted me. Having potential mates see the cane for the first time and decide they can’t handle it is very hard. Truthfully everyone is better off in the situation where people are upfront and honest and walk away but it leaves us wondering if we will ever find love.

Being disabled being blind I can whole heartedly recommend a friendship a relationship a life with a disabled person. We are generally full of love. If your up for a mind blowing adventure of discovery and sensuality then come on down. There is nothing like having a blind lover. 🙂 I’ve thought about dating another blind person. I’ve only ever met two blind woman in my life. Tempting but it never worked out. We did profoundly understand each other though. That aside and although to you it might be logical and make perfect sense we, even though we share a disability, would have all the other relationship stuff that all of us have.

Relationships have left some bitterness with me. Being rejected because of my disability is one of the most painful things I live with. I’m sure you being sighted being an able bodied person can understand when you’ve similarly been rejected for part of who you are. Truth, honestly, openness, love, connection, communication all of these things are vitally necessary if you chose to go and have a date with a sighted person.

Posted in: Children, Dating, Everything Else, Family, Health, Independance, Living, Love, Sex, Vision

About the Author: Kyle Bergum

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.
http://blindmancan.com/?p=19