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Friend brother my best dating started says her

10 answers and 20 replies
  • You're in denial.

    That means you are refusing to see the facts becasue you know what they mean and you o not want to believe them, you do not want then to be true.

    First, you're known her 8 years. In all that time you never stepped up to the plate and told her what you feel. You once "accidentally ". mentioned it and she told you she wasn't interested in long distance. She was telling you she wasn't interested in you but you wanted to believe it was the distance.

    When she finally DID arrive in country, (for a short distance relationship) you were unable to make any solid plans with her. If she was interested, she would have made time.

    She met and went home with a guy she barely knew due to instant connection. There you go. She can feel and she will react WHEN it's there. It's not there with you.

    Now you're her father, claiming he's bad for her, a drunk, a druggie, all in all a horrible guy EXCEPT he has her attention.

    You're grasping at straws, hoping they're as incompatible as you want them to be but the news flash here is.... she's not dating this guy for his long term marriage and high earnings potential. She's just having a fling.

    She's not involved with some guy who's bad for her... who she needs rescuing from..... she knows he's bad for her (relationship / long term wise) that's one big reason she's attracted to him... Only you are thinking this is a relationship she's trying to form with him. She met him on NYE, for Christ's sake, it's fling.

    Bottom line.... you act like her brother, not her lover. Why are you surprised that you're being treated as a friend when friendship is what you use to keep this one sided connection going?

    When you didn't declare her yours 8 years ago, you set yourself up to be her friend. She does not see you as a long term guy. She's not sexually interested. you made yourself her bestie and this is how besties get treated.

    What to do? Move on and find someone who cares about you. You've wasted too much time trying to win this woman over with your friendship and now you're wondering why she treats you like a friend.

    Let her go. Find someone who cares for you.
    • @Michael: Trust me when I say I do think she is worth it but I could be saying that to myself and I'm actually a glutton for punishment and not realize it.

      Yeah I was not planning to try breaking them up. Cause I get trying to break them up makes me look bad and well I don't think she will believe me right now anyway with the honeymoon phase going on. I do have some horrible stories of him acting like a massive jerk but I promised the person whose stories were about not to involve them and I agreed. I truthfully don't blame the person for not wanting to be involved.Sigh wish there was a way to help her realize that but yeah right now I feel there isn't. I think I need the space like you suggested cause I am really not handling this well. It is affecting me physically. Can't eat, can barely sleep, puking, etc are being caused by this.
    find your center and gain control over your self. I don't believe anyone man or woman has very much patience with emotional overload.
    this woman sounds like she could be trouble brewing for you. Its up to you if the trouble is worth it. Personally i say walk away save your self the heartache. It never ends well to involve your self in other peoples relationships. she could end up hating you if you delve into her business. IF you are to do anything i would say drop her a message saying something quick and simple. (example: I don't understand why you are with this guy personally I get i have no right to question it either but I just want you to know i truely care for you I'm around if you need me other wise i have to move on.) the reason i tell you let her know your moving on is because who likes desperation no one i know. desperation makes you seem easily manipulated, insecure, just a overall unattractive quality that will drive just about any good woman away. If she is making bad decisions then they are hers to make you cant really stop her without making things worse.

    Give her some space to come to you if things get hairy. if your sleeping on her porch trying to protect her from the boogeyman you might just freak her out and forever ruin any chance you ever had with her.

    short and sweet....gain composure over your self and hold it when things get hard, very rarely does a guy actually get seen as the white knight he is trying to be, give her some space or get sucked into more trouble than you could probably handle.

    good luck.
    • @Anonymous: It doesn't change anything. She's got a drinking problem and untreated mental health issues. Attaching yourself to her will only make your own issues worse.

      Think about it, you're depressed. Do you really need the knowledge that your GF is an alcoholic added to the list of things that can bring you down or cause you to worry? You can't save her and like someone drowning she'll drag you down with her.

      You need to separate your compassion/empathy from realistic outcomes. Being with her (if she is even interested in that) isn't going to make you happy in the long run. The idealized notion of her that you have won't last in the harsh light of the real world.
    • @Zombie: Dude I am not on meds for my issues if that is what you mean by untreated. So I fail to see how that is a problem. I stopped the meds as I found they made my problems worse and have been dealing with day by day.

      She was doing great till she moved back. I think the stress of that and looking for a job got to her. I think she will get better but she needs to be free of some bad influences (some of her friends were who got her into drinking and were buying her drinks. Probably more then she needed).

      And hell I grew up with a sister with bipolar I know how mental illness is and how to handle it.
      Edited by the author
    • @Zombie: Dude I take mental health issues seriously. Like I said grew up with a sister with bipolar and I know how bad it can affect someone. Trust me when I say what she is going through is nothing compared to what my sister was like 10 years ago.

      I get she has mental health issues and I have known for years. So do I before this stuff happened we were helping each other out with it when she she was in Texas. I get the stress of the move and and job search and having no way to contact people (like me) probably is what is causing this. I get massive anxiety attacks from the old job I just quit so I could focus on school.
      Edited by the author
    • Been there done that and I can tell you that my feeling is that it will not proceed any further then friends, if even that is salvage.

      Can't wish upon rainbows, man.. If she wanted it to happen, it would be happening. Her excuse was just that, a way to let you down easy, it was not (as the movie quote goes) code for, "try harder". Flip it and think about how you would let down a women friend that you had no interest in.

      Hurts, but you have to accept that, go through whatever you have to, and move on. There will be other loves in your life.
    https://www.askmen.com/answers/dating/13736-in-love-with-best-friend-but-she-just-started-dati.html